Am I Handicapped or Disabled? Both or neither?

As a 48 year Cancer survivor living with Congestive Heart Failure I have struggled when asked the question, "what do you do?" Having been on Social Security since 2002 due to the fact that I need the Insurance (Medicaid) and because I am considered by the government to be 100% disabled I find myself cringing when in a group because I know sooner of later the dreaded question will surface and I still do not have a clear and concise answer. One friend told me that I should say, I am on the Government payroll then be really elusive if pushed for details, which sounds like a very good idea. :)

I understand the dilemma folks have had for years with this question because on one hand you feel fully capable of doing a job yet you know deep down that you are just a heart beat away from being back in the hospital. One of the greatest struggles I have had in the last 10 years has occurred between my own ears. I call it the battle between good and evil. Ever heard the saying, "An Idle mind is the Devil's workshop?" Well, I can attest to the fact that it is true.

Before the first heart attack on May 1, 2002, I had already been in a 13 year battle (12yrs - 27years) with Cancer and had been clean for 11 years. I loved to fish, hunt, exercise, drink, smoke, dance and chase girls, all of which required stamina and I had it in spades. You can imagine my surprise when pain started in my chest and causing enough displeasure that I asked a friend to rush me to the ER where less than 10 minutes after arriving I was being worked on by a trauma team who saved my life. I was transported to another hospital where the next morning, I received the first stent. In the subsequent years since that fateful night I have survived being pinned under a truck, facial reconstructive surgery which lead to staff infection, a double by-pass, 7 or 9 stints I am not sure, insertion of a defibrillator in my chest and 2 minor heart attacks. But it has not been all bad because during that time I met my fishing partner became more active in the Freemasons, earned 128 college credits towards a B.S. in Psychology (9 hours short), have written daily on Facebook, started this blog (which I hope to continue), researched and written numerous articles yet to be published in any significant way.
The key to keeping "the devils" at bay is to stay busy which keeps your mind occupied.

 I have known paraplegics who earned a law degree and blind people who attended college albeit with the help of a facilitator but by God they were there everyday.

To answer the question: Am I Handicapped or Disabled? Both or neither?
I believe people who can't get to the point where they can move on and learn to live with and overcome their disability are handicapped by the limitations set in their own minds which in some cases are a very real and formidable adversary. An adversary which will crush a person's will to live if allowed to remain in residence for to long.

Hope you like this little posting if so leave me a comment below or on Facebook.