Reflections on Life

Reflections on Life

 





Most people spend their lives running in circles never thinking about death unless it's to attend a funeral and then only for the time it takes to get through the ordeal.

 

I may think of death a little more than the average person on the street unless they are suicidal just because I have faced it on a few occasions during my first 50 years on this earth. I have experienced what it means to have Cancer, Heart problems, A severe bacteria infection(MRSA) and a couple of life threatening accidents. I have heard people make the statement, "Whatever doesn't kill you. makes you stronger and I am here to call B.S.". While experiencing heart ache, sickness and pain may make you a little more determined to do everything you can to stay alive, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am not physically stronger than I was before I had my first heart attack or experienced my first heartbreak.

 

As I approach my 50th birthday, I am taking the time to reflect back on a life that while it may not have been the most glamorous has definitely been interesting. I traveled much of the country and had many love affairs in my twenties and early thirties while spending much of my thirties and early forties very deeply in love with the wrong woman. While having spent the latter part of my forties recovering from heart disease and heartbreak, I have found solace in the fact that I am experiencing this alone having had enough common sense to not marry and put a wife and family through all I have had to endure.

 

My father did not afford my mother the common courtesy of walking away when he found that he could not be faithful to just one woman and therefore his wife and three children experienced a life of broken promises and shattered dreams. While we loved my father he never loved us enough to be faithful to our mother nor did he have the nerve to walk away and let us live in peace. It is during times like this that I find myself reflecting not on my own life but on the life my father forced on us. There are things I have done and said that when I look back are a direct reflection of his influence. Things I can never write and only my dearest friends will ever know because of the shame associated with the acts and circumstances. There are many people in the same situation; and while we may suffer in silence I draw comfort in knowing I am not alone.

I think I hold on so tight to the past because it is such an integral part of who I am and I can't seem to let go without losing the memory of my father. People may think it weird and self defeating that on one hand I despise much of what my father stood for yet I have done many of the same things.

( This is going to be one of those post that will be updated periodically because there is so much to write about.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to become fat on pennies a day.

Homeless doesn't have to mean Hopeless.

LIFE WAITS FOR NO ONE...

As a Christian Freemason, Templar and Shriner I have an overwhelming desire to help people even though some folks would look at me and think that I'm the one who needs the help. I have been given an opportunity to


 Life is passing us by and there are needs that are going to go unmet because it was our responsibility to meet those needs.

Why do we do? What we do?

Do you do things for the rewards you receive from others or for self gratification? In school we received stars for being "good" and demerits for being "bad" or in our case as a children we received whippings for being "disobedient" and nothing for being "obedient". This is actually an ineffective system because to avoid the whippings all we had to do was not get caught which made us pretty good at being sneaky. It offered no real incentive for being obedient.
Back to the original question, "How many of us actually do things because they are right for us instead of what someone else says is right for us?" As a teacher I watch as kids struggle in one subject while exceling in another because society and the education system demands they be proficient in all subjects. When are we going to learn to stop putting pressure on kids and adults and understand that if they need to know something they will figure out how to get it done. I know people who quit school in the 6th grade who have become multi-millionaires because they had abilities which can not be taught in a classroom.

In the wee hours of the morning...

It is the middle of the night and as much as I desire sleep it eludes me like prey eludes a hunter so I am forced to resort to the only option left at my disposal which  is writing.
To some people I committed a grave sin yesterday which was Easter by not attending a church and celebrating Christ's Resurrection. On the other hand I did spend lots of time contemplating what Easter means to me and what both the secular and the church worlds have turned it into and made a conscious decision to stay home and celebrate in my own way.

I found the following information in Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resurrection_of_Jesus#Christian_tradition

The whole story of Christ's Birth or Christmas, His Death, Burial and Resurrection, or the Easter story has become so commercialized that I really don't care to celebrate it. It should be a time of remembrance yet it has been turned into a time to receive gifts delivered by a fat man in a red suit and hunt eggs delivered by a bunny. It has basically become a joke to the rest of the world.

I like to picture an empty cross as a symbol of his Resurrection power, the same power which abides within each of God's children.

Sometimes you wanna quit but can't...

I am still laughing over something that happened at school today.

Yesterday was a particular trying day at school so much so that when I got home I fired off an email to the Pastor/Principal (Christian Academy) informing him of my decision to not return to the classroom after Spring Break. I felt like I had fulfilled my obligation to the school and there were enough teachers available that my services were no longer needed. I received no reply.
When I arrived at the school today to teach my class he told me that there was a teachers appreciation dinner tomorrow night. I asked if he had read my e-mail and he looked at me and said, "Yes and I did not pay any attention to what you wrote." I almost burst a gut laughing because I realized that he knew it was sent in frustration and I can only imagine how many times he must feel like quitting his job but as the Shepherd of his flock he can not just walk away no matter how unruly the sheep become because he still has a responsibility. God is Good! 
I will be back in the classroom come May 9th. :)